Stories Scattered Through Time
by Thatoneguy360
Summary: A series of mostly humorous one shots. Will be updated somewhat sporadically, but it will be updated! Current Story- Better: Ruby has always been a bit of a weapon nut. But like Yang said, it isn't like she could ever date a weapon, right?
1. Pattern Recognition

**This is my attempt at something more humorous than my other story, Dead Men's Tales. While I'm updating that one on a weekly basis, these one-shots will come out more sporadically. Whenever I feel like writing one, anyways. But I'll probably update it semi-frequently, at least for a little while. The summary, characters, and story type for the collection will match that of the most recent one-shot. Enjoy!**

 **RWBY does not own me, and also vice versa.**

* * *

Pattern Recognition

In which one Bullhead pilot has finally had enough... (Humor, Parody)

* * *

Ozpin sipped his coffee, calming surveying the messages on his screen as he sat at his desk, simply enjoying the moment. As headmaster of one of the most prestigious combat schools in Remnant, rare were the times where he could just sit back and relax...without the slight nagging pang of guilt that he should be doing something, anyways. Everything was pretty much all set for the afternoon, and there were no problems which required his immediate attention. Just him, a cup of coffee, and several messages that only seemed slightly alarming.

A ding sounded, and Ozpin sighed, knowing that his relaxation was in jeopardy. Glancing up at the door, he nodded. "Glynda, how are things proceeding for the leadership shadow missions?"

Striding across the room to stand beside his desk, Glynda replied in her usual professional tone "All of the first year leaders have been paired up with a second year leader. They should just now be boarding their Bullheads for departure."

Ozpin turned his head to his screen. Hmmm, a new message...Absently, he responded "Excellent work as usual Glynda."

Letting out a deep breath, Glynda spoke with some exasperation "The first years can be such children sometimes. It took all I had to convince them to stay behind and let their leaders head out alone. Especially team RWBY and JNPR." She frowned deeply "Those two teams have a history of excellence, but sometimes they need to be reminded that they are afforded no special privileges for it."

Ozpin shrugged easily "They are concerned about their leaders. It is a sign that the teams we picked have been meshing very well with each other."

Glynda raised an eyebrow at that. "I seem to recall throwing them into the forest and letting blind chance pick the teams."

A cryptic smile crossed Ozpin's face. "I have my ways."

Deciding not to justify that remark with a response, Glynda continued "Well, at this point, everything is all set for the mission. Port and Oobleck should have no difficulty handling the students as they depart, so I left them to it to check in with you."

A mild frown settled on Ozpin's face. That message from earlier...it had something to do with this. Perhaps he should read it again...?

"Professor Ozpin?" Ozpin looked up to see his deputy looking at him with some mild concern, but mostly she just looked resigned. He did have a tendency to drift off into his own world from time to time. Every so now and then. Okay, maybe a lot more than that.

Calmly taking a sip from his coffee, Ozpin pulled up one of the messages he had just received. "It seems like there is some trouble on that end."

This statement was met with an exasperated sigh. "What did the students do this time?"

"Actually the students have nothing to do with this one. One of the Bullhead pilots refuses to fly."

"...What?!"

* * *

"Sir, if you would please calm down! We just need you to do your job, and get these students to their assigned location." Professor Oobleck was admittedly not the ideal person to try and smooth things out, given how rushed he always sounded.

"To hell with that! I ain't flying these kids anywhere. I know how this all goes!" An average, completely forgettable individual in a uniform argued.

Ozpin and Glynda approached as the argument continued. Given how fast Oobleck talked, and how angry the pilot was, it was nearly impossible to understand everything being said. Ozpin could have sworn he heard the words "toothpaste" and "ass" in the same sentence, which did not sound correct at all, politically or otherwise.

"Alright, that's enough!" Glynda stormed towards them, causing both men to flinch. "We will talk about this in a civilized manner. Am I clear?"

Having some pity on the man, Ozpin beckoned to Oobleck. "Why don't you take the team in question and have them wait over by the entrance? We'll talk this over and come to an agreement."

Oobleck seemed relieved, and immediately darted over to the group of leaders. Coco looked over at the pilot curiously, but shrugged, and followed Oobleck over to the hanger doors, along with Jaune and Ruby.

Ozpin turned to the pilot. "Now, I hear that you refuse to fly this team out for their mission?"

"That's exactly right." Something about Ozpin's presence seemed to calm the man, but he remained adamant. "I'm not going anywhere with that group."

Glynda sighed. "Look, I know that Miss Adel can be a lot to deal with. But I promise you, she is very professional when on a mission."

Ozpin coughed, memories of several complaints being lodged by Hunters a year ago, all of whom worked with Coco. Apparently, she had a tendency to criticize other people's choice in clothing. Abrasively. This tendency was second only to her penchant of responding to stupid questions with groin shots. Describing her as professional would be like describing Ozpin's average work day as productive.

"It has nothing to do with the crazy girl." The pilot insisted. "It's that boy I refuse to fly anywhere." He pointed straight at Jaune.

Glynda sighed. "We have given him prescription medicine for his motion sickness. The incident which occurred on their first mission will not be repeated."

"A little vomit never killed nobody." The pilot glared accusingly at Jaune. "But flying that kid certainly does."

Glynda looked a bit lost. "What?"

"Don't think we don't notice!" Working himself up again, the man bit out "A month ago, one of my co-workers flew that kid, along with some black haired chick, out for a mission. The flight crashed, and those two barely survived. My fellow pilot died in the flight."

"Sir, while I am sorry for your loss, it doesn'-"

"I mean, I didn't really like the guy." The pilot shrugged. "But about a week later, those two hook up, and kid discovers his semblance. Then, he goes out on another mission, with some orange haired chick. That Bullhead was attacked by Nevermores and went down. One of them plucked the pilot right out of his seat. Again, these two survive. Orange haired girl hooks up with the bastard." He glared even more intensely in Jaune's direction, causing him to gulp, and Coco's eyebrow to raise.

Ozpin calmly sipped at his mug. "Go on." Glynda looked at him like he was insane. Maybe he was?

"Then, that celebrity girl wants to visit home, and takes blonde wonder there with him. Freak storm takes their flight down. That pilot gets mauled by Grimm on the trek back. Celebrity girl joins the crew and hooks up with the guy." Clenching his fist, the pilot went into a full on rant "The same thing happened with the white princess, the blonde with the tits, and that girl with the pink strip in her hair. All of them went on missions where the Bullhead went down. But the common factor is that guy."

Glynda seemed to be nursing a headache. "All of these were isolated incidents. And the...romantic life of these children is of no concern to any of us. We need this team to complete this mission for their leadership credits."

"I ain't budging one bit!" roared the soon to be unemployed (but still living) pilot. "I'm not going to go out there and get killed just so this asshole can add a fashionista hipster-" Coco waved, a cocky smirk on her face "-and some gothic Lolita-" Ruby looked confused, and turned to ask Jaune and Coco what a Lolita was "-to his fucking harem!"

"I cannot believe what I am hearing!" Glynda seemed like she was 100% done with this situation. "You can't honestly believe that you're all being sent out to die just so Mister Arc can have an active love life!" Shaking her head, she turned to Ozpin "Honestly, of all the ridiculous things I have heard..."

Glynda blinked. Ozpin was nowhere to be seen. "Huh?"

* * *

Ozpin was back in his office, reviewing a file on his screen. "Hmm, this sets back the calendar quite a bit. I'll have to move carefully for a while." Sighing, he shook his head. "I should have known better than to try and get two of them done at once. Now the pilots will be suspicious. That was one of the most tried and true methods of creating tension too." Shrugging, he made a quick note on the profile. "Oh well, there are other ways."

On the screen, a file linked several names, mostly female (but also some male) to a picture of Jaune Arc. A list of added benefits was detailed under each name. The file name read "Bringing out the Full Arc Potential Through Matchmaking."

* * *

 **Man, Bullhead pilots are the most abused characters in the RWBY fandom. So many stories with Bullhead crashes in them, and they almost always die. Yet the characters whom we know and love get to live on, learn their semblance, and learn from their tragic experience, as well as become romantically involved with each other. The pilots really get the short end of that stick.**

 **But they all died for the greater good of mankind...? Maybe?**

 **Also, bonus points for anyone who knows who the "girl" with the pink streak in "her" hair is. Except not really. We all know who it is.**


	2. Girl's Night Out

**Well, that escalated quickly. Stories Scattered Through Time gained popularity faster than Dead Men's Tales so far. I am simultaneously overjoyed and tilted haha. I'm curious as to whether this means I simply write humor better, or if humor is just more popular in general?**

 **Fun fact: For the last story, Pattern Recognition, some of the reviewers noticed the acronym for the file Ozpin put together, or at least the Full Arc Potential part. F.A.P. It's literally a perfect acronym. And it was entirely on accident. Isn't that a riot?**

 **Here's another one-shot for Stories Scattered Through Time!**

 **Dis-claim-er: I not own RWBY**

* * *

Girl's Night Out: Where Yang takes Pyrrha out for a wild time. (Friendship, Humor)

* * *

As the bell rang, Pyrrha packed her bags calmly, in stark contrast to those around her who seemed to leap out of their seats to rush out the door. It was Friday after all. Professor Port, whom had been in the middle of a story frowned, but shrugged it off with a jovial smile. "Ah youth. I remember all too well the crazy adventures my team would get involved with over the weekend. Why this one time..."

If at all possible, the crowd began moving even faster. One poor victim, Ruby, found herself trapped in a corner by Port, unable to get away as he regaled her with a tale of how he managed to defuse a bomb with nothing more than a pair of boxers and his sheer tenacity. (He was oddly unspecific on whose boxers they were). Ruby glanced over at Pyrrha, her gaze clearly saying _Help me please._

Pyrrha was sympathetic to Ruby's current plight. And she would be loath to abandon a friend in need. However, there were some battles which were better off avoided. Her apologetic glance back said _Sorry! Best of luck to you however!_

Ruby's return gaze portrayed a look of betrayal, quickly replaced by a glazed over expression as Port began describing the process by which he had strangled a King Tajitu by both of its heads. Using a pack of rubber bands.

Meanwhile, Pyrrha made her escape into the hallway, only feeling slightly guilty about abandoning her friend to the machinations of Port.

Perhaps it was karma which immediately caused her to run into Yang, knocking them both over.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't see you there Yang!" Pyrrha stood immediately and offered Yang a hand.

With a grin, Yang took the hand and yanked herself up. "Actually, this is perfect. I was looking for you!"

"Me?"

Yang only grinned even more, dragging Pyrrha down the hallway towards their dorms. "You should put something on that looks somewhat casual."

Pyrrha at this point was completely perplexed. "Wait, what? What do you mean?"

"If you want to make up for crashing into me, then join me tonight! We're gonna to hit the town!"

* * *

Yang waited patiently outside of JNPR's room for Pyrrha to finish changing. Well, patiently might be a bit inaccurate. Actually, she couldn't stand still from excitement. _It's been years since I've had anyone to go club hopping with!_

Blake just wasn't the type to enjoy that sort of atmosphere. And Weiss would strongly disapprove of the notion. As for Ruby, well Yang strongly disapproved of that notion herself. Nora was a lot of fun in many ways, but she was off for the weekend on some trip with Ren, they had left this morning. Besides, she had a tendency to go a bit overboard. _Even by my standards..._

Pyrrha on the other hand, definitely seemed like she might enjoy it. _I don't think she's been to a club before, but she'd at least be open to the idea._

The door opened, and Pyrrha stepped out. "How do I look?"

Yang gave her an appraising eye up and down. It was actually similar to her combat outfit, except without the armor and greaves. A pair of stylish boots replaced the greaves, and her hands were left bare, with a single bronze bracelet for decoration. Her top was a simple dark color. She still wore her circlet and had her hair in her usual ponytail.

Nodding in approval, Yang motioned for Pyrrha to follow her. "Wow, looking good. You've been keeping the good outfits in your closet it would seem."

Pyrrha's eyes widened "Wait, does that mean the outfits I've been wearing are bad?"

"No no, not at all! It was a complement, I wasn't trying to insult you." Yang laughed. "Don't sweat it, you're fine."

"Right, sorry." Pyrrha followed Yang in silence for a moment, then tentatively asked "What exactly are we doing?"

Eyes lighting up, Yang pulled Pyrrha down the hallway by the hand. "Oh, nothing much. Just hitting up the clubs in town."

"Oh, uh...that sounds grand! I think?" Pyrrha's face seemed a bit uncertain as she was dragged along.

"You won't be thinking that by the end of the night!" Yang pumped a fist into the air. "You'll be sure of it!"

* * *

After checking in with the bouncers at the front, Pyrrha and Yang entered into the building. Even from here, Pyrrha could hear, no, feel the music playing. _How do they stand it! It's loud even from out here!_

"Come on!" Pyrrha couldn't help but smile a bit. At least Yang seemed really excited.

As they entered the club, Pyrrha cringed at how many people there were. _What if someone recognizes me?_

Yang seemed to read her mind. "Don't worry. Between your outfit change, and the flashing lights and music, it'll be impossible for anyone to single you out." Frowning, she reached up and grabbed Pyrrha's circlet. "It'd probably be better if you don't wear this though." Reaching up again, she undid the ponytail, leaving Pyrrha's hair down. "That ought to help too."

Pyrrha accepted her circlet and hairband back from Yang. "Thanks. That's some good thinking, Yang."

Yang winked at Pyrrha saucily. "You know, you should let your hair out more often. The look suits you pretty well."

Blushing, Pyrrha stammered out in embarrassment "Oh, um, that is... thankyouiappreaciateit ...butI'mnotattractedtogirls."

Yang laughed at that and hit Pyrrha on the shoulder teasingly. "Lighten up, it's just a complement." Winking again, she whispered "Besides, anyone with eyes can see you've got it hard for Vomit Boy. No one can deny you're attracted to guys. Well, one guy at least." Ignoring Pyrrha's sputtered denials, she began to walk towards the dance floor. "Come on!"

Pyrrha sighed and followed her. As they merged into the crowd of people, Pyrrha noted with dismay that Yang was headed right into the middle of the dance floor. People who were dancing kept jostling her from all sides.

Suddenly Yang grabbed her arm. "Come on!" Pulling her into a tight opening in the crowd, Yang began dancing to the music. "Let's just enjoy the dance!"

Pyrrha felt extremely uncomfortable and self-conscious as she attempted to dance. _Maybe this was a bad idea. It feels like everyone's watching me._ As she moved around, her body just felt tense and awkward. _I probably look ridiculous, dancing around like this._

* * *

Even as she danced, Yang could see that Pyrrha was having a hard time relaxing. _Yeah, it's definitely her first time at a club._ She could remember the first time she ever went to a club. Yang had really just been trying to find information on her mother, but even so, the atmosphere had been quite intimidating. _Well, at least it's easier with a friend._

Yang grabbed Pyrrha's hands and danced with her, moving her around with a grin. "Come on! Loosen up already!"

Pyrrha danced along with her, but still seemed to be a bit off.

Yang learned in. "Don't worry yourself so much. Look around you."

Pyrrha nervously glanced around. "What do you mean?"

"Look at the other people dancing. Do they look like they know what they're doing?"

Pyrrha looked around again. Most people seemed to just be awkwardly flailing their arms in the air in tune to the music.

"You don't have anything to be ashamed of! I'll bet you have better moves than more than half these guys! Besides, even if someone does judge you, who cares? We're here to have fun!" Yang punctuated her little pep talk with a grin and spun Pyrrha around like it was a ballroom dance rather than a grungy club.

Pyrrha laughed at being spun around, and soon, she was dancing along with Yang like she had been doing it all her life.

With a grin, Yang looked around to see several eyes on them. _Looks like we're attracting some attention._ She also noticed that some of the people watching were the shady sort, and seemed to be getting some ideas. _Awesome, now for the best part._

* * *

After some time on the dance floor, the two of them sat at a table off to the side, taking a short break. Yang turned to Pyrrha and asked "So how do you like it so far?"

Giggling slightly, Pyrrha responded "I'm having so much fun! I've never done anything like this before!"

Yang laughed. "Great! I was hoping you'd say that!"

Pyrrha smiled, but then noticed that there was a pair of scruffy looking fellows walking over to their table.

Yang noticed them too, and to Pyrrha's eyes, it seemed like her smile got a little bit wider, and a bit more feral.

The two plopped down at the table without any invitation. One of them, dressed in a blue button-up and with a single hoop earring started up the conversation. "Hey, you two certainly look like you had some moves out there."

"Oh, thank you." Pyrrha wasn't really too sure about these guys. That complement sounded very scripted.

"You should come hang with us! We've got a great place, you'll love it." The second man, a taller one with a leather jacket and white shirt leaned in, wagging his eyebrows suggestively.

Pyrrha definitely didn't like the feel of these two now. "Well..."

"Why go anywhere else?" Yang interrupted, a suggestive grin on her face. "We can have plenty of fun right here."

The one with the earring laughed. "You're pretty bold. I like that!"

Yang sidled up to him, the same grin still on her face. Pyrrha looked at her in disbelief. _She isn't really...?_

Lust evident in his eyes, 'Earring' reached out to grab Yang...

And immediately fell to the floor as Yang kneed him in the balls. (Okay, if you didn't see that one coming, clearly you haven't seen the Yellow Trailer)

The taller one jumped up and ran towards Yang. "Why you bi-"

Yang immediately punched him in the solar plexus, dropping him before he could even finish his sentence. Turning to Pyrrha, whom had been standing there in shock, she grinned. "So..."

A series of yells from across the room caused Pyrrha to quit staring, and turn to see a group of thugs running towards them. Some of them had jewelry like the first two, several of them were armed with knives and makeshift weapons. One thing they all had in common was that they were all pissed and heading their way.

"...ready for the fun part?"

* * *

Yang grinned as she launched herself into the crowd of gang members approaching them, downing one by landing on top of him. There would be no need to use Ember Celica on these chumps. Delivering a vicious heel kick into one of them, she propelled him into another, and knocked out the second one with a left hook to the jaw. Ducking underneath a punch, Yang swiftly backhanded her assailant, launching a follow-up kick which connected with another jaw, causing the goon's head to snap back as he fell. After that display, the others didn't seem so keen on the idea of approaching her.

Meanwhile, Pyrrha wasn't having any trouble either. It would seem she was at least equally proficient in hand-to-hand as she was with her weapon. As one attempted to bring a chair down on her head, they doubled over as a roundhouse kick collided with their torso "Sorry!" Pyrrha swept one goon to the floor as he attempted to knife her. "Sorry!" She blocked a hammer fist and punched the attacker in the ribs, leaving them gasping for breath. "Sorry!" Pyrrha then threw one of the thugs into a group, knocking them all to the floor. "Sorry!"

Even as she elbowed someone in the head, Yang laughed. "You're too nice! These guys are part of a small time gang in these parts. No need to apologize to them!"

"Oh, sorry!" At least this one was directed towards Yang, rather than the goon Pyrrha just shoulder-checked across the room.

The rest of the thugs seemed to take offense at being labeled as just a 'small time gang'. In response, they charged forward like a group of lemmings headed for a cliff.

Yang was all too happy to prove that particular (and oddly specific) analogy correct.

* * *

"Hah! That was pretty great!" Yang cheered as she exited the club. The bouncer seemed to be awfully far from the door for some reason, and he was looking anywhere but at the two girls walking outside.

Pyrrha seemed a bit put out. "Was all that really necessary?"

"They were askinggg for it." Yang all but skipped down the sidewalk. "Besides, you can't tell me you didn't enjoy it a bit!"

"Well...I..." Pyrrha wanted to say she didn't. That they really shouldn't be picking fights with people weaker than them, even if they were criminals.

Yet at the same time...it had been a bit exhilarating. Far more spontaneous than the sparring and arena fights she was used to. _And they really were kind of asking for it...I guess there wasn't really anything wrong with that. They were criminals, and as Huntresses, it's our job to fight them anyways, right?_

"Honestly, I did! I guess it's kind of nice to do something so spontaneous. I guess I'm usually on a much stricter routine." Pyrrha shrugged with a little smile on her face.

"Yeah, I figured. That's why I invited you! I wanted to get you to try something different." Yang looked enormously pleased with herself. "After all, it's always nice to cut loose every so now and then. We can't be champions every second of our lives." She laughed at that.

Pyrrha laughed along with Yang. _I guess that's true._ Watching as Yang adjusted her hair, she couldn't help but feel warm. _When I first came here, I was worried that everyone would see me as just 'Pyrrha Nikos' the four time champion of the Mistral Regional Tournament. But I've made so many friends here who only want me for who I am, not what I am._

Yang grabbed Pyrrha's arm and led her down the street, interrupting her thought process. "Come on, let's go to the next place!"

Pyrrha could only stumble after her and try to keep up. _I guess I could get used to this._ Smiling, she ran alongside Yang. "Sounds grand!"

* * *

Jaune walked back and forth in the hallway, checking his scroll for the time, as well as to see if he had gotten any messages. Seeing nothing for the 43rd time in a row, he groaned. _It's almost 4 am, and Pyrrha isn't back yet. What if something happened? Is she okay?_ Jaune knew that Pyrrha was more than capable of handling herself. But she had never been out this late.

Just then, footsteps could be heard coming down the hallway. Jaune turned just in time to hear one of the figures yell "We're back!"

"Ughh...she just didn't want to stop..."

"I've never had so much fun before!"

"I'm going to be so sore..."

"Hah...I guess we really did go pretty hard there?"

"You're telling me...I don't think I'll even be able to walk tomorrow."

"I guess it was your first time going that hard?"

Jaune, overhearing this conversation, suddenly blushed. _Are they...did they...?_

Pyrrha looked up. "Oh, Jaune! Were you waiting for me to get back?"

Scratching the back of his head, Jaune replied "Well, usually you aren't out so late. I was worried."

"Isn't...that...sweee...t" Yang dragged herself across the floor to the door of her room. "Maybe you should have been worried about me instead...your little girlfriend just didn't want to stop once we got going..."

Pyrrha was too filled with excitement and adrenaline to even get embarrassed by the girlfriend comment, and hopped up and down. "Jaune, it was great! I wish you could have seen us!"

Jaune blushed even more at that and mumbled in awe "Me too..."

"What?"

"Oh, umm, I guess you'll have to tell me all about it then?"

If possible, Pyrrha grinned even harder "I would love to! Oh, clubbing is so much fun!"

Jaune blinked in confusion "Wait, that's what you were doing?"

Meanwhile, Yang pulled open her door with some effort, and dragged herself inside the dorm. Two of the beds in the room were occupied. "Ughhh...wait, where's Ruby?"

* * *

"...and that, my dear girl, is why you should never mix coffee with narcotic drugs, and sell it on the streets of Vale. You'll be beating the customers off with a stick! Literally! When you gather a crowd mixed with coffee and drug addicts, things get awfully volatile in a hurry. Why this one time...Oh my, now look at the time! Well, I'll have to tell you the rest of the story another time. Have an excellent weekend, Miss Rose!" Port laughed jauntily, and strode out of the classroom.

Ruby leaned back heavily against the wall, her eyes devoid of all life. Sliding down to the floor, she muttered only one thing

"...c-curse you Pyrrha...I w-will have...my r-revenge"

* * *

 **I like to toy with the idea of characters we don't see interacting that much hanging out. It allows for some new interactions and possibilities. Yang gets to teach Pyrrha the joys of clubbing, and the joys of bar fights. Ahh, so therapeutic.**

 **On another note, if you guys haven't checked out RT's new show Camp Camp, you should. Because it's hilarious.**

 **Hope you enjoyed this!**


	3. No Use Crying Over Spilled Coffee

**For those who care, Dead Men's Tales will update this Sunday. I was just having trouble writing the current chapter, and figured an extra week would help me work through that.**

 **Enough of that, enjoy another one-shot! These updates will likely slow down once I've worked through all of my current ideas.**

* * *

No Use Crying Over Split Coffee: A little accident in the hallways turns out to be more than it first appears... (Humor, Mystery)

 _There!_ Ruby drew in the last line on her blueprint, wiping her forehead free of sweat afterwards. Before her on the desk was a modification design for Crescent Rose. After the events of Mountain Glenn, Ruby had the idea to create different types of lenses for the scope on her weapon. Which wouldn't be that hard, she would just have to work with Weiss to figure out the dust concentration for each scope. But it would require a mechanism to switch between each lens, and Ruby had wanted to make it as foolproof as possible.

Now, with a flick of a switch located on the side of the scope, Ruby could switch between up to four different lenses. Her standard lens, night vision, and...and...

 _Well, I haven't thought of two other lenses to use yet...but they're going to be awesomeeeee!_ Ruby rolled up the blueprint and placed it in a drawer, chock filled with other potential designs she intended to work on. It had been a very productive day. It was only 3 o'clock, and Ruby had already finished most of her homework for the next day (at Weiss's prompting), spent several hours training with her team, and finished off the new lens swapping design for Crescent Rose.

 _Well, I guess it's more like 2:55...wait 2:55?! I have a class at 3!_ Ruby raced out the door with Crescent Rose in hand, not even grabbing her notebooks in the process. She was going to be late!

Ruby dashed down the hallway, rose petals spiraling in her wake. _If I'm late again, Weiss will be mad!_ Then a more terrifying thought occured to her. _If I'm late again, Professor Goodwitch will be mad!_ She rounded the corner at record-breaking speeds.

And collided directly with Ozpin.

As she fell, Ruby could see Ozpin's surprised expression as he lost his balance. Oddly enough, it seemed focused on the mug in his hand, and the coffee spilling out of it.

Then Ruby lost sight of him, and hit the ground. Surprisingly, the fall didn't hurt as much as she thought it would.

"Are you all right, Ruby?"

Sitting up, Ruby looked up to see Ozpin looking down at her, an expression of slight concern on his face. "Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry for running into you. I was just trying to get to class."

Taking a sip out of his mug, Ozpin smiled indulgently. "Well don't let me hold you up. You don't want Glynda to get on your case."

This spurred Ruby to jump to her feet. "Right! Once again, sorry!" She ran down the hallway, entering the sparring area just as the clock struck 3.

Glynda gave her a long look as she got to her seat. "Cutting it a bit close there, aren't you, Miss Rose?"

Ruby winced, but that seemed to be the extent of Glynda's wrath today. Glynda turned to the class and picked out the first pair of sparring partners. It wasn't until she was watching Blake square off against Nora in the ring that a thought occurred to her.

 _Wait, didn't Ozpin's coffee spill when he fell? How was he still drinking it?_

* * *

A few minutes earlier...

Mercury sauntered down the hallway, taking his time as he headed to Glynda's combat class. Honestly, there was little he could learn from sparring against these students. Thanks to aura, it wasn't like he had to hold back much. But it was hard to stop himself when their aura reached the red. His father certainly hadn't stopped at that point when training him. You learned how to defend yourself a lot better when you didn't have aura preventing your injuries in a fight.

All that training certainly came in handy when he finally paid that man back by killing him. But Mercury still felt a grudging respect for his skills at least, even if he loathed him personally. And so far, with the exception of Pyrrha Nikos and perhaps one or two others, no one even came close to that level. While there was a certain amusement in toying with weaker opponents, it got boring after the first few times. Mercury could have had a decent fight with Pyrrha, but after pretending that she was too much for him in their first spar, it would have looked awfully suspicious if he suddenly was able to fight her on more even grounds.

Mercury sighed. _Waiting like this is so boring!_ Maybe when their plan came to fruition, he might be able to fight some of the professors. Although Cinder warned them that they should avoid any unnecessary conflict, it was always possible that one of them might stumble upon something they weren't supposed to see.

Glynda would probably be pretty challenging, it would likely take both himself and Emerald to take her down, and perhaps even that might not be enough. _Perhaps Port or Oobleck would be an interesting fight as well_. Although neither one had looked like much at first, Mercury was well aware that any hunter who'd been in the business as long as they had should not be underestimated. And from their performance during the Breach, his suspicions had been proven correct.

Speaking of professors...Mercury could see Ozpin walking down the hallway, nonchalantly sipping his coffee. Cinder had warned them that they should, under no circumstances, engage that man in a fight. Yet, in the few months they'd been at the school, he had shown no signs that he was anything special. _Kind of hard to be scared of a guy like him. Half the time it doesn't even seem like he's paying attention!_

A flash of red rounded the corner, and Ruby collided with Ozpin, knocking him over. Before he hit the ground, or even before Mercury had time to snicker at how easily the Headmaster of Beacon had been felled...

Ozpin _**moved.**_

His cane, which up until his fall had been held nonchalantly in his right hand, moved to brace his fall in a flash of green light. Moving upright, he held up his coffee mug. Several more green flashes later, his mug moved to catch the coffee spilling through the air, moving so fast it left afterimages. Once his mug was filled, he turned his attention to the still falling Ruby. His cane tapped her body well over 20 times, adjusting her fall so that she would land more easily.

And as Ruby hit the ground, Ozpin took a single sip from his mug.

Mercury didn't even stick around long enough to see what happened next. He immediately headed to Glynda's classroom, eyes wide in shock. A single word repeated itself over and over again in his head.

 _Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Noooope. Definitely obeying orders on this one._

* * *

 **The idea of Ozpin using his super-speed green flashing powers to save his coffee from spilling amuses me. Although we don't even know what his powers are, or even where they come from. A semblance? A function of his weapon? Some form of dust imbued in his clothing? Maybe even some form of magic, like the maidens? It is a popular theory that Ozpin is the wizard who granted the maidens powers, or at least a descendant of the wizard. Regardless, I haven't seen enough of Ozpin fighting for my liking. I want more! More green flashy shenanigans!**

 **Hope you enjoyed this! Please leave a review if you notice anything I could improve. Or if you want to praise me. Take your pick, I enjoy both.**


	4. Better

Stories Scattered Through Time

* * *

 **It's been awhile since I posted one of these!**

 **I've had a few ideas here and there, but for the most part I'm just having trouble with the execution of some of them. There's a couple one-shots sort of half completed, but I need to rework them when I get the time. Hopefully you'll see them in their final form someday!**

 **Here you go!**

* * *

Better: Ruby has always been a bit of a weapon nut. But like Yang said, it isn't like she could ever date a weapon, right? (Humor, Family)

* * *

14-year old Yang swung the door to their home open with a bang. "I'm baaaack!" Grinning, she vaulted over the couch to land on its cushioned seats.

Ruby, who was currently 12, was doodling on some paper on the floor. "Hey sis! What's up?"

"Ahh, the usual. Kicking butt and taking names at Signal, stuff like that. You'll know what I mean once you start there next year." Yang stretched out to grab the remote, but it was just out of reach. _Man, and I was just getting comfortable._ Jumping up, Yang caught a glance of Ruby's doodles.

And immediately realized they were definitely not doodles. "Ruby, what are those?" Yang said slowly.

"Nothing!" Ruby scrambled and hid the drawing from view.

Yang sighed. "Ruby, I already saw what it was. There's nothing wrong with it, it's perfectly normal to be interested in-"

"But it's embarrassing! What if Uncle Qrow saw them? He'd probably laugh me right out of the room!"

Grinning, Yang swiped one. "Let me see."

"No, give that back!" Ruby stumbled forward, only for Yang to hold back her head with one arm while the other opened up the page.

Yang whistled. "Wow Ruby, these look pretty good. These look just as good as some of the drawings I've seen in classes."

"They're called blueprints!" Ruby was finally able to snatch it back. Immediately, she blushed. "You think they look good?"

Laughing, Yang patted Ruby on the head. "Who knew you had such a talent for weapon design?" They had already begun basic designs at Signal for their own weapon, and Yang usually had to ask for help to get anything done. But Ruby had created such a complex and detailed weapon design all by herself at home!

Ruby hid in her hood a bit. "Yeah, I started reading up on the subject a while ago. Began looking through blueprints, studying basic design techniques, you know..."

"Nerddd." Yang teasingly poked Ruby, who pouted. "I'm just kidding! This is a pretty awesome skill to have, you know!"

Ruby smiled. "Yeah, well sometimes, Dad brings home the prototype weapons that students made which didn't work and leaves them in the garage. I fiddle around with them to try and make them work."

"What?! That's sweet, let's go take a look!" Yang dragged Ruby by the arm out the door, ignoring her protests.

* * *

After some time, Ruby and Yang came back into the house, covered in grime and sweat. Yang turned to Ruby and nodded excitedly. "You're seriously some kind of genius, you know that? Some of the things you put together out there seriously outdo anything I've seen in class!"

Ruby nodded, puffing herself up a bit. "Well, I guess I've got the brains of the family."

Yang punched her lightly in the shoulder. "I guess that means I've got the looks and the talent then, didn't I?"

A grin was her response. "Didn't you trip going down the stairs this morning?"

 _Wha...I could have sworn no one saw that happen?_ "Well, I can't always be perfect."

Ruby's grin grew even larger. "So you actually DID trip this morning?"

Growling playfully, Yang pulled Ruby into a mock headlock. "Now Yangg on just a moment, that never happened!"

"Yang, let goooo!" Ruby flailed her arms all over the place, serving only to fuel Yang's laughter even more. "And that was a terrible pun!"

Later, as the two sat on the couch, Ruby mumbled something. "What was that, Ruby?" Yang asked

"Sometimes, it's like the weapons dad brings home are the only friends I have around here."

Yang's heart plummeted. _Ruby seems so happy all the time, where is this coming from?_

Sitting up, Ruby looked to the ceiling. "But it can be nice, you know? Meeting new people makes me feel awkward, and uncomfortable. And sometimes, those people are real jerks, you know?" Yang made a mental note to figure out who Ruby was talking about and beat them up. "With weapons, they only treat you as nice as you treat them. It's never quite as awkward when I get to see a new weapon as when I have to meet a new person."

Wincing, Yang thought about Signal. If what she was saying here was any indication, Ruby was shaping up to be a very antisocial person. _Oh man, people will make fun of her, they'll talk behind her back, they'll bully her! I don't want people to see Ruby as some "crazy weapon nut"! She's such a nice person..._

Yang decided to try talking to her about it now. "But what will happen when you become a Huntress? You'll have to work with people then."

Ruby paled visibly, and Yang almost regretted saying that. "That's probably true." Ruby sunk into the couch.

"Look, some people can be jerks. But sometimes, you find people who aren't so bad. And you can make friends that way! It'd be just like having a less awesome me around!"

A smile appeared on Ruby's face. "A less awesome you?"

"Well duh! You can hang out with them, and talk with them and all that, but who's ever going to be as awesome as me?" Yang winked to punctuate her statement.

Giggling a bit, Ruby sat up again. "I guess it wouldn't be so bad to meet new people if they were nice."

"That's the spirit!" Yang jumped up. "Let's go find dad! I'm starvinggg."

"Me too!" Ruby jumped up with equal gusto.

As they walked out of the room, Yang threw out one last little quip. "Besides, weapons might be nice, but if you ever wanted to start dating, it's not like you could date a weapon, right? It wouldn't ever be able to say yes if you asked it out!"

Laughing slightly, Ruby nodded. "True."

Yang wondered if she had imagined the glint of sadness in her sister's eye at that moment. Shaking her head, she thought _Naw, Ruby probably just felt lonely before. I'll always be there for her though!_

 _Heh, I don't really think Ruby would ever seriously think about dating a weapon, right? Right?_

* * *

"I'm the world's first synthetic person capable of generating an aura."

Ruby stood there processing that. _A synthetic person? She's a robot? But she can generate an aura? Doesn't that mean she has a soul? Wait, but if she has a soul, she has free will! And she's a combat robot, she's basically a living weapon?_

Penny looked down. "I'm not real."

 _Living weapon...free will...living weapon...free will..._

Ruby took Penny's hands "Of course you are. You think just because you've got nuts and bolts instead of squishy guts makes you any less real than me?"

 _Living weapon...free will...living weapon...free will...living weapon...free will!_

Penny looked a bit confused. "I don't, um..."

"By the way," Ruby immediately piped up. "On a completely separate note that has absolutely nothing to do with what we are talking about, are you doing anything this weekend?"

* * *

 **And then someone creepily interjects with "Well the weapons can't say yes, but they can't say no eitherrrr." o.o**

 **Think about it, when Ruby was a kid, and when Yang was first going to school, her dad was working at that same school. Unless they brought her along or something, she was left alone in a cabin in the middle of the woods almost every day until they got back home. That seems like a bit of a lonely childhood to me.**

 **Hope you enjoyed! Fav, follow, and or review if you did! And be sure to check out my other two stories, they update far more frequently than this series of one-shots!**


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